Marvel's Joe Quesada's Idlechatter Christmas Collection!

Marvel Comics released a series of Christmas songs on the internet for its fans during the years 2002 to 2007. These songs were written and sang by Marvel's Joe Quesada, at the time in his position as Editor-In-Chief, and recorded with his band, Idlechatter. The band's name is alternately spelled "Idle Chatter" depending on the source, but an official release from Marvel used the one-word version, so that's what I will go with here in this blog entry.

MARVEL COMICS FOR CHRISTMAS (2002)

The first song released in 2002 mentions several of the mostly current Marvel artists, writers, and staffers, and featured Joe Quesada on vocals, guitar, and keyboards; Tommy Dean on guitar, saxaphone and supporting vocals; Mike Ferrara on bass; Bobby Ventura on drums/percussion, and supporting vocals; and NOT Bill Jemas on sleigh bells, but an incredible simulation. Jerry Farley served as engineer, and it was recorded at Fastlane Studios, in Brooklyn, New York.

Lyrics:

MARVEL COMICS FOR CHRISTMAS

Words and music Joe Quesada, 2002

It wasn't long ago at the ol' North pole

The Elves got together so the story is told

They called a Union Rep on Christmas night

So, Santa went cryin' down to Mama Claus

Sorry Mr. Santa but we're going on strike

That's when Santa grinned just as sly as a fox

She said, "stop the crap, Nick, just show them whose boss."

Kevin Smith and JMS on Spider-Man

He went into his attic and got his comic box, yeah!

Santa Claus gives Marvel Comics for Christmas.

No wonder DC Comics does nothing but bitch

Bagley, Bendis, Austen and some Morri-san

Loeb and Sale, Jimenez, Johns and Bryan Hitch

Milligan, Allred, Ennis, Dillon and Jones

Santa Claus gives Marvel Comics for Christmas.

The Kuberts and Quitely, Ramos and Vaughan

Maleeve and Robertson and Mark Millar

Little Paul was wishing for a rubber band ball

And lets not forget the great J.R. JR.

Santa checked his list just as fast as he can

But just like Marky Sunshine he got nothin' but coal

Bobby W. was waiting and he got all depressed

AND MARVEL DON"T GO BACK TO PRESS!

'Cause Santa's out of comics

So many people that we value there's no question I forgot a few:

He almost forgot Rucka, Waid and Ron Zimmerman While Billy and Joey wondered what had gone wrong

But Santa don't give comics when you're bad all year long!

Santa Claus gives Marvel Comics for Christmas.

Middleton, Simone and Way, Jae Lee,

Finch and Cassaday,

Jurgens, Jenkins, Isanove, Palmer,

Mounts lets sound them off!

Bachalo, Kordey and Chen, Janson,

Udon, Severin, Wells and Ross, Ringo too.

Davis, Farmer and Andrews,

Comicraft, Larroca, Tieri, Kolins,

Ryan, Lai's and Fahbry, Mandrake,

Avalon and Manco, Claremont,

Young and Tom DeFalco,

Miki, Winick, Cross and Grant,

Fagredo, Corben, Ribic, Frank,

Asamiya and Tim Townsend,

Williamson, Lucas, Dodson,

Ranson, Hana, Soto, Loughridge,

Starlin, Milgrom, Bill Sienkiewicz,

Immomen and Deadato. Thibert,

Garney, Choi and Bongo,

Hairsine, Krueger, Oliffe, Priest,

Villarrubia, Bright and Kieth,

Baker, Cooke, Morales, Cho,

Pratt, Horn, Buccellatto, Braithwaite,

Bollers. Reis and Holtz, Bradstreet,

Frenz, and Michael Gaydos, Hollingsworth,

Pope and Copiel, Winslade, Gaiman,

Haspiel, Studio F. Fernandez, Jeanty,

Dorkin, Kesel, Bennet, Chukry.

There's no rhyme Eliopoulous

except that Marvel Fans are the best!

WEDNESDAY'S CHRISTMAS AT MY COMIC SHOPPE (2003)

"Wednesday's Christmas At My Comic Shoppe" is debatably the most accessible of these songs to the general public. This is because all of these songs feature a degree of "in-joke" references -- Some more topical than others -- that would be lost on those not familiar with things such as specific comic book titles, comics creators, and the like.

For instance, the lyrics to this particular tune mentions such books as "X-Statix", and "1602", which are no longer published by Marvel, and uses abbreviations for characters that are more familiar to fans, such as "FF" for "Fantastic Four", or "DD" for "Daredevil". There's also a reference to Marvel competitor DC Comics as "Brand Echh". 

Comparatively speaking, though, it's lighter on such references than the others in the catalogue. Wednesday is the day that comic books are traditionally released at comic shops each week. The original recording features an audio cameo of sorts by Stan Lee at the end, but that part is edited from the video version embedded above. You can hear the complete version here.

Joe Quesada: All vocals and acoustic guitar; Tommy Dean - Guitars; Mike Ferrar - Bass; Bobby Ventura - Drums and percussions; Special thanks to Stan (The Man) Lee; Engineered and mixed by Mike Ferrara; Final mix by Jerry Farley; Recorded at Fast Lane Studios, Brooklyn, NY

Lyrics:

WEDNESDAY’S CHRISTMAS AT MY COMIC SHOPPE Words and music by Joe Quesada, 2003 Mistletoe and sugarplums Candy canes, I don't want none Just need my X-Men by my side. Mother says, "Look Santa's here!" But I know who's behind that beard Ain’t no way Stan "The Man" can hide. Yeah And then he looks at me Says, "Son, can you keep my secret please! See, Santa called, he was feeling down. So I took his sleigh and I'm making his rounds." Then out of his bag there came a gift I said, "Save it for someone who needs the lift." ‘Cause like it or not Wednesday’s Christmas at my Comic Shoppe. Graphic novels, trade paperbacks Toys and statues, the comics rack It’s enough to make this grown man sway (I love to shop there everyday.) Sorry, Stan, it might seem unfair But Christmas today just doesn’t compare When every week’s a holiday (Isn’t Stan Jewish anyway?) That’s why When Wednesday comes, I don’t walk I run! Got to get there before the frenzy’s begun For Spider-Man, Hulk, X-Statix too Ultimates, FF and 1602. And though I don’t mean to brag Compared to this, Christmas’s one big drag. Yeah, like it or not Wednesday’s Christmas at my Comic Shoppe. Suffering daily from holiday blues Leaving me wondering what’s there to do Until the day I read those famous words from you: "Excelsior, true believer!" Silver Surfer, Avengers, DD Supreme Power, Punisher, Thor and Wolvie Iron Man and that Parker Schlub Come on, sing along, Stan you made most of them up! Stan’s eyes lit up as he heard the word Said, "This Kringle stuff is for the birds! ‘Cause like it or not Wednesday’s Christmas at my Comic Shoppe. Nothing says "humbug" more Than that stack of Brand Echhs piling up in the store, And I’m feeling great and I’m feeling fine ‘Cause I’m always makin’ Marvel mine!

ALTERNATE COVER (2004)

For the third outing, Quesada puts on an Elvis Presley impersonation and sings about the collecting of variant or alternate covers. These covers first started being published by the comic book companies in the 1980s and dominated the market in the early 1990s. For a period, the practice of slapping alternate covers on comics subsided, but over the past decade have returned and, in some ways, seem more prevalent than ever before.

Lyrics:

ALTERNATE COVER Words and music Joe Quesada, 2004 performed and produced by Idlechatter It’s Christmas time baby And I sure do love you I hope you remember That there was only one thing I need for Christmas Here’s a holiday story, a cautionary tale About a night when love couldn’t prevail The Christmas tree was lit so bright Stacked high with gifts, it was quite a sight With each I opened I grew so low I held my breath there was one more to go That’s when I left my girl standing by the tree ‘Cause when I opened that last box I didn’t receive my Gold inlayed, leather bound, chromium, foil enhanced Holographic, U.V. plastic, pencil sketch, photographed One in ten, nine point nine, personally autographed, Alternate Cover A Rolex watch, a facial buff A nose hair trimmer, I couldn’t thank her enough But there’s only one sign of what true love could be It’s the one friggin’ gift that she didn’t get me, I want my Gold inlayed, leather bound, chromium, foil enhanced Holographic, U.V. plastic, pencil sketch, photographed One in ten, nine point nine, personally autographed, Alternate Cover And so it ends I sure do miss my girlfriend But I know that my local comic book retailer He sure loves me! Spot varnished, untarnished, barely been circulated Full embossed, latex glossed, personally dedicated Jewel encrusted, price guide trusted, completely orchestrated, Alternate Cover Gold inlayed, leather bound, chromium, foil enhanced Holographic, U.V. plastic, pencil sketch, photographed One in ten, nine point nine, personally autographed, Alternate Cover Surround sound, by the pound, highly collectable Guaranteed, sugar free, mildly delectable First edition, mint condition, girlfriend rejectable, Alternate Cover Glow’n the dark, snap on parts, highly regarded Sun roof, fire proof, media bombarded Kevlar mesh, human flesh, completely retarded, Alternate Cover Blood in ink, the kitchen sink, totally unreadable Cajun spiced, overpriced, cash unretrievable Decompressed, permanent press, the end’s unforeseeable for Alternate covers

ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS (2005)

To better understand the lyrics to this song, you must know that it alludes to the outcome of the "House of M" storyline from 2005. The result of incidents that occurred  at its conclusion left many Marvel mutants without their powers. So, basically, this tune is sang from the perspective of one of those mutants wishing for their power to return for Christmas.

Joe Quesada and Idlechatter decided to do a riff on The Beatles "Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band" era Beatles and mashed it up with the Merry Marvel Marching Society theme from the 1960s Marvel fan club flex-discs.

Lyrics:

All I Want for Christmas by Idlechatter, Author: Joe Quesada, 2005 You belong You belong You belong Come along With the Merry Marvel marching Society You belong You belong You belong Sing Along With the Merry Marvel Marching Society We're the Merry Marvel Marching Society We're the Merry Marvel Marching Society Woke up feeling funny today I was startled by a white flash of light Then I stumbled to the mirror And that's when things got much clearer As I was struck by a horrible sight. Now I'm not a real trusting guy But I must admit it's given me pause Never believed in Easter bunnies Or Tooth Faeries and their money But I'm praying there's a real Santa Claus 'cause all I want for Christmas All I'll ever need All I want for Christmas Come on, give it on back, give it on back Give my mutant power back to me. Jubilation has lost all her spark (Fred has lost his center of gravity) Erik's not magnetic (Pietro's turned pathetic) And Jono has no chest cavity Now all I want for Christmas All I'll ever need All I want for Christmas Come on, give it on back, give it on back Give my mutant power back to me. (He's always checking who's done right or wrong) I'm a bit concerned about the review (Have you been a good boy all year long) I might have done an evil deed or two (So how'd you do on Christmas day) Well I have to say I'm feeling quite blue (Come on, tell us we're a quiver) Well, Santa didn't deliver Seems the reindeers are mutants too Now all I want for Christmas All I'll ever need All I want for Christmas Come on, give it on back, give it on back Give my mutant power back to me.

THIS SONG IS TWO WEEKS LATE (2006/2007)

Official Press Release Jan 09, 2007: 

"Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays from Marvel! Don't check your calendar. Don't think some wild, Dr. Doom-engineered time vortex has opened up and Christmas has returned. Nothing is out of the ordinary.

"It's just that Joe Quesada (along with his band Idlechatter) has released the annual Marvel Christmas song. And yes, as the song's title states, "This Song is Two Weeks Late." Like I was saying, nothing out of the ordinary here.

"It was a massive undertaking that saw late nights, frantic edits and some of the most ridiculous rapping in music history, but it's here! We should have a snazzy video to go along with the song here on Marvel.com, but for now enjoy the song."

As far as I know, there never was an official Marvel video for the song. The one embedded in this blog is one I made for it. 

This would be the last Christmas song by Idlechatter for Marvel, though Quesada said in an interview with CBR.com that he had actually written one more song for Christmas 2007:

(Joe Quesada, January 04, 2008) "...I actually had one written and I was prepared to record it. Unfortunately, I was so exhausted after OMD ("One More Day") and had spent so little time with my family during that time, that I just couldn't do it and live with myself. Those Christmas recordings take several days and incredibly long hours; I had to be smart about it."

Vocals/Guitar/Keyboards: Joe Quesada; Lead Guitar: Tommy Dean; Drums: Andy Guida; Bass: Mike Ferrara; Engineered and mastered by Mike Ferrara at Mach 1 Studios, Brooklyn, New York.

Marvel Rappers (and we use the term loosely) in order of appearance:

John Dokes, Tom Brevoort, Mark Paniccia, Nick Lowe, Jen Grunwald, Daniel Ketchum, Molly Lazer, Mike Short, Andy Schmidt, John Barber, Ralph Macchio (in spirit), Axel Alonso, Steve Wacker, and Aubrey Sitterson

Lyrics:

THIS SONG IS 2 WEEKS LATE Words and Music Joe Quesada, 2007 and The Merry Marvel Marching Society I've been trying to find the words to express my remorse 'cause I work here at Marvel, so it's par for the course This song is two weeks late for Christmas. It's been a busy year, so many books to produce Aw, who am I kidding, it's a lame excuse This song is two weeks late for Christmas. Maybe I should'a had my "stuff" together Maybe I should'a read all those angry letters? Maybe I should'a have listened to the internetters? 'cause let's face it, who on earth could possibly know any better I could've had it done but somehow let it linger I should've thought of using "fill in" singer This songs is two weeks late for Christmas Would ya believe my dog ate my notes? Would ya believe that I've got strep throat? Would you believe anything I wrote? 'cause you no I'm so shameless when I try to promote Yeah, let's take 'em back- Uh huh House of Ideas 2 Thousand Seven Yeah, This to Stan, Jack, Steve, and Flo SCREAM FOOM!!!

OH T-VOORT YOU LOOK WEIRD, WHAT THE HELL'S INSIDE THAT BEARD

Civil War's runnin' late, yeah, don't gimme no lip 'Cause you're backed up in line when that bad boy done ships I don't wanna be hearin' how your heroes been wrecked Show Mark Miller and Mista McNiven RESPECT!

GO ROSE!

Yeah, fanboyz, don't be up in my grill or illin', I'll throw lead in yo *** if you call Tony Stark a villain! Just wave yo hands in the air, I spit rhymes like Aubrey grows hair!

They call me Panic but I'm California mellow Can I interest you in some MASTERMIND EXCELLO I edit Hulk and Modok's big head And Agents of Atlas, the best book you NEVER READ

So I was sittin' 'round with Andy and Sean, TESTIFY! I called my Runaways boy Brian Vaughan, LOWE-FI! I know you're leavin' for LOST and I'll try not to sulk, So get ya' boy Lindelof to finish WOLVERINE/HULK

I WORK AT MARVEL, I WORK AT MARVEL, I WORK AT MARVEL FANBOY

My name is Daniel Ketchum and I edit BLACK PANTHER, Wanna know 'bout Wakanda, well baby I got your answers.

Molly is my name, but you can call me "Beam." Playing here on Marvel's edit team

Wireless Mike with respect for Special Projects

I'm Andy Schmidt, all those books you love, yeah I Ed-it

Hey I'm the Barber, Johnny, everybody say "YO!" Let's get this party kickin' with Ralph Macchio

Axe-Man is in the house.

You know I'm a genius. A poet. A menace. Got straighter teeth than Brubaker, and tons more hair than Bendis. Continuity? CLICK-BOOM! I slay it in an instant. You want an apology? Go speak to my assistant.

So tell me, True Believer. What really makes me wack? Was it making Rawhide Kid gay? Or Captain America black? OH SNAP

I got hit on the head, that's the last I remember

THIS BOY IS WACKER-ER! Woke up at Marvel, 'round the end of September

I'm a mad edit bomb. Blow up the drawing and WRITIN'. Then I chew up Thunder and I spit out THOR'S LIGHTININ! I'm the new Spidey-Man… so if you liked it BACK THEN. In month number one: GOODBYE M.J AND HELLO ***

Nobody can touch our books, their cast reads like a list Of the world's greatest heroes! It sounds like this: TELL 'EM! Cap the Falcon, Iron Man, Sentry, Luke Cage, DAMN YOU'RE GOOD! Fantastic Four and T-Bolts are jumping off the page.

DON'T GO THERE, AUBREY

Dr. Strange, She-Hulk and Ant-Man (new and old).

DON'T GO THERE, AUBREY

And our Distinguished Competition?

Who the *BLEEP* is Booster Gold?

HE WENT THERE! I work at Marvel

YEAH OUR BOOKS ARE SICK!

I work at Marvel

THE ADS MAKE THEM THICK!

I work at Marvel

SO WITHOUT FURTHER DELAY!

I work at Marvel Fanboy

HAPPY BELATED HOLIDAYS Maybe I should'a had my "stuff" together Maybe I should'a read all those angry letters? Maybe I should'a have listened to the internetters? If only I could find a way to make Hawkeye deader I guess I should've planned it way ahead But if I did you'd be listening to Bendis instead This song is two weeks late for Christmas This song is two weeks late for Christmas Sorry to make you wait This Christmas So, if you ever heard Millar sing a tune You'd understand why he doesn't give up writing soon And while Cassaday may be pop star dreamy I'd still have to sing it 'cause he'd lip-syncing Now JMS croons like a nightingale And Loeb has a voice best heard in e-mail When Salva sings you wouldn't understand a word Jenkins has the fakest accent you've ever heard But the one thing that makes everybody grin Is when Stan "The Man" played us like a violin

Since the days of Joe Quesada's tenure as Marvel's Editor-In-Chief, he has went on to become the executive vice president and creative director for Marvel Entertainment. These days he appears to have little time to devote to the seasonal Christmas songs, and in the intervening years, nobody else at the company has risen to take his place in that capacity. So, these five songs remain an interesting and entertaining artifact from a bygone era of Marvel Comics. 

Thankfully, I was able to save and share the songs, lyrics, and what information was made available about the recordings. Over the years, it's become harder to do that, as many of the sites where the songs were first uploaded and shared have taken down the associated pages, or some sites have become defunct.

So, enjoy and have a HAPPY HOLIDAY SEASON!!!

Critic's Choice Files Looks at the X-Men

"Critic's Choice Files Looks at the X-Men" volumes one & two, 1987. I have a personal connection to both of these publications in that I was the interior artist for each one. If you will indulge me, I will give some background about them and how the experience relates not only me, but possibly a legal matter between "Comics Feature" magazine and Marvel Comics Group.

These magazines, and other various "Files," "Spotight On...", and "Critic's Choice" publications from the 1980s were put out by Heroes Publishing, Inc., which was a company owned by Hal Shuster, whose other company, NMP/New Media published the fanzine "Comics Feature" from 1980-1987.

In 1986, I was a high school student who wanted to work in comics. I regularly picked up "Comics Feature" each month. As many of you know, before "Wizard" magazine and the internet, it was publications such as "Comics Feature" and "Comics Scene", and others, as well as fan-published periodicals that we fans depended on for our industry news.  When I read in CF that there had been a change in the art directors, I figured I'd send in my submission and see what happened. I didn't receive an actual rejection, but a letter which informed me that they were looking for a more cartoony style than I had sent in. So, since I didn't get a direct "no", I whipped up some more samples, sent them in, and got hired to do illustrations for the magazine, mostly for the "Fun & Profit" articles by writer Mike Benton.

After most of a year sending in my art for the magazine, and a couple of other publications by Shuster, I was given the assignment to draw the interior illustrations for the first "Critic's Choice Files Looks at the X-Men". The cover for that one was by art director Jim Keegan. At this point, while the X-Men were one of my very favorite titles I bought, I hadn't yet acquired or read the earliest "new" X-Men comics. This was back when the only reprints of those comics was just being published, "Classic X-Men", and when I got this assignment, it had yet to reprint many of the stories in "Critic's Choice Files". 

So, when I was asked to draw Nightcrawler being carried away by leprechauns, or Phoenix flying through a star gate, I didn't have any reference to draw upon! Therefore, I winged it. That first volume was also drawn close to its deadline, in the middle of the night, with me a bleary-eyed teen in high school trying to desperately finish it before shipping it in the mail the next morning. So, if you have the book, or see it in the future, please keep that in mind. LOL!

After that project, I was assigned again to the second volume. I was even more excited to do this than the previous one. Not only would I make sure I didn't procrastinate and have to rush it like the first volume, but this volume would be all John Byrne stories covered in it! Since these two books featured my artwork on every interior page, unlike "Comics Feature," where I only did a few pages each month, and this one was exclusively Byrne era X-Men stories that I was basing my art on, I couldn't wait to get my comp copies. However, I never did get my comp copies of volume two from the publisher. :-(

Now, I don't know for certain the whole deal, but as I recall it, Jim Keegan, the art director, told me that the second volume was not published due to legal action taken by Marvel. As I understand, it had to do with the use of original artwork (mine??) that Marvel had taken issue with. Hal Shuster was apparently told he had to use official Marvel art for the books. I never had any more confirmation on this matter, as Hal ceased publication of "Comics Feature" and his other publications at that point. Was there a correlation between those cancellations and Marvel's legal action? I can't say for certain.

Flash forward over a decade later... I am attending a convention in Indianapolis with my friend. I look at some books on a dealer's table and see the cover to  "Critic's Choice Files" volume two, but it didn't register immediately what the publication was that I was looking at. What had caught my attention was that John Byrne art on the cover, which I recognized as being a colored version of the piece in "The Art of John Byrne." When I realized what the title read on the cover, I thought, "Omigawd!! That's MY book!!" I asked the dealer if I could pop it open, and then I checked and verified that, YES, it was the supposedly unpublished second volume!

I don't know if Keegan was simply mistaken when he told me it was not published, or if that was what he was led to believe by Shuster, but there it was in my hands. After a quick transaction, I then owned a copy at long last.

Was THIS second volume really the publication that brought down "Comics Feature"? Was the use of my artwork in place of Marvel licensed art then thing that caused the problems? Obviously, the magazine was published and distributed nationally, but Shuster's publications did fold not long afterwards. 

I never spoke with Shuster, and never had any direct communication with him about anything. My only contacts with the editorial (or anyone at "Comics Feature") was with Keegan and co-art director Ruth Kennedy by mail and phone calls. I lived in Indiana, and they were out in California. I was able to keep touch with Keegan and Kennedy for but a short period after the magazines folded, and I was not brash enough at that age to press the matter on what happened exactly.

Anyway... For you Byrne completists out there,  that second volume has that cover with his art. I hope anyone who reads this will enjoy the background behind the books. :-)

BELOW: The interior art from "Critic's Choice Files Looks at the X-Men" volume one, including editorial instructions and preliminary sketches of unused art:

BELOW: The interior art from "Critic's Choice Files Looks at the X-Men" volume two, including editorial instructions and preliminary sketches of unused art:

Visit the Comics Unlimited page at Facebook!

--And The Art of Matthew Hawes!!

When The X-MEN Were A-HOLES!

X-Men #3 (Marvel Comics, January, 1964) was the first full story with the original X-Men I had ever read. In fact, it was only the second story featuring the team in any incarnation that I had read ever, the first being a reprint of Marvel Team-Up #4 (Marvel Comics, September, 1972) in the Marvel Treasury Edition #18 (January, 1978) featuring The Astonishing Spider-Man. The version of X-Men #3 I read was also actually a reprint, from the Son of Origins of Marvel Comics (Fireside, 1975) trade paperback collection. 

For a person of my age, it was somewhat unusual that my first exposure to Marvel's merry mutants would  have been the team in its original incarnation. It was more likely for a Gen-X'er to have first encountered the "new" X-Men. This I did with my third encounter with the team in Uncanny X-Men #122 (Marvel Comics, June, 1979). I became a fan from the first story with the team I read, and remain so to this day.

Recently, Marvel released a nine-volume boxed set titled X-Men: Children of The Atom that reprints the teams adventures from their first issue to the end of famed artist John Byrne's run in issue #143, including nearly all of the team's appearances outside their title in the Marvel Universe during the years those comics were originally published. I bought this set (which was an adventure in and of itself, which I may blog about some other time), and am currently rereading the earliest issues in the set during this time of the COVID-19 quarantine.

As mentioned, the third story featuring the original team of X-Men was the first story of the team's own adventures I had read. This story first introduced us to the evil mutant known as The Blob. 

The Blob makes his entrance in X-Men #3 (1964)

Also, by this third outing of the strangest teen-agers of all, the title characters personalities were starting to emerge. Cyclops was initially called "Slim" Summers in the very first appearance of the team, but in the third issue we learn that his given first name is Scott. It is also established that he can't control his optic blasts without the use of his ruby quartz glasses or his optic visor. 

The entire group was smitten with their female teammate Marvel Girl, AKA Jean Grey.  Ice Man (Bobby Drake) first seemed unimpressed with her charms in the first issue, but in this issue he's as excited to go on a mission with her as any of the other fellows. However, a glimpse into Cyclops' thoughts that reveal his feelings for her might go deeper than a simple schoolboy crush.

We first get an idea of Cyclops' lack of control over his power, and his deep feelings for Jean Grey.

Ice Man was portrayed more or less as the joker in the group form the start, as Angel (Warren Worthington III) was likewise established as being a privileged youth from the beginning, but the Beast (Hank McCoy) is established in this third adventure as being an intellectual despite his brutish appearance and code-name. 

There was only one reference before, in the second issue, where he claims to be the smartest among his teammates. However, that remark is played as if it was more of a joke, while this issue affirms that he is indeed the most academic among his mates. Before this issue, his speech was not only more casual, it was more akin to how the Thing spoke in Fantastic Four, with its use of contractions and the like.

X-Men #2 (1983) The Beast remarks he's smarter than the others, but isn't truly portrayed as such until the third issue.

By X-Men #3 (1964) Beast is now firmly established as the group's intellctual.

Now, I know that I have read the story at least a couple more times since the late 1970s, but even then it's probably been at least 30 years at the time of this writing since I last read it. So, going back and rereading these early stories all these years later, I am naturally viewing some details in a whole new light. Naturally, there are the expected change with societal issues, but even taking the context of the period in which the tales were originally written one thing still stands out in this third issue: 

THE X-MEN WERE A-HOLES!

After what I wrote above, it should be clear that I am a fan, so when I state this about the X-Men, it is not done lightly. However, when one reads this tale it is an inescapable fact. The attitude of the team and the actions they take in this story are atrocious and even criminal! As first presented to us in this comic, The Blob comes off crass, uncouth, arrogant, and rude... but initially he is not shown to be particularly evil or criminal. Yes, that does eventually happen to be the case, but only after events caused by the actions of the X-Men themselves. At the beginning of the tale, his worse offense is being a bit too touchy with Jean Grey. While this is definitely not proper, especially in the modern age of the "Me Too" movement, frankly, the X-Men were also a bit cringey in their own way as illustrated when Angel is practically salivating in Jean's presence about the prospect of another female joining the group. "Mmmm boy!," he exclaims! It may not enter the realm of sexual harassment, but it's certainly crass behavior.

The Blob gets too hands-on with Jean.

The Blob makes a move on Jean, as mentioned above. It's every bit as crass, yes, but is it really any worse that Blob refers to her as a "tomato" when her fellow teammate is smacking his lips in anticipation of another female member? Admittedly, he carries it a bit too far when he makes a grab for her. However, if the guys are going to get offended on her behalf at the Blob's objectifying her, shouldn't they also consider their own attitudes towards the fairer sex? Of course, in context of the story and the period within which it was written, Angel's remarks where meant to be indicative of  natural, innocent teen-boy lust, but I point this out to illustrate that at this point of the story the Blob has yet to give any impression he is criminally-minded. After all, despite his behavior they still insist on him coming with them.

More disturbing, though, is Professor Xavier's inner thoughts about his young female student. In a panel which has since become somewhat infamous among the comic book community, Xavier bemoans his situation where he refrains from expressing his romantic interest in Jean due to his being in a wheelchair, and being the leader (not to mention the teacher) of the X-Men. 

I point out these instances to demonstrate that other than Blob's unwelcome advance on Jean, something the team could stand to refrain from doing themselves, he has not done anything else that warrants the treatment he receives from the X-Men in their attempt to recruit him to their team.

When Cyclops first encounters The Blob in his tent at a circus, he is adamant that the Blob is going to go with him. "The X-Men don't take 'no' for an answer," he tells the Blob. Though Cyclops thinks to himself that he shouldn't have lost his temper after saying that, there really wasn't anything the Blob said to make such a demand. Yes, the Blob is arrogant and rude, but what makes Cyclops think that he can insist Blob go with him against his own will?

It would be bad enough if it were only Cyclops that displayed this attitude, but we eventually learn that even Professor Xavier believes its the X-Men's right to draft whomever they want into their team. The Blob consents to be tested at the School for Gifted Youngsters, headquarters to the X-Men, but declines their invitation to join them. Xavier balks with indignation, "This is unheard of! No one has ever refused us before!" He then refuses to let The Blob leave and threatens to wipe his memory of them and his visit there. Say what...??  Xavier and The X-Men insist he come and be tested, which he did, but then leave him no choice but to join them or have his mind messed with? These are the heroes of our story, folks!

You WILL join us... OR be mind-wiped! YEESH!!

The Blob makes a run for it, but Jean uses her telekinesis to shut off his exit, and the team assaults him afterwards.

You ain't goin' nowhere, tubby!

Eventually, The Blob is forced to go into the sewer system in order to escape this crazy crew! Xavier realizes too late that insisting someone go to his place for tests and be inducted into his school without having anticipated that the person may refuse to join them was probably not the wisest course of action. Worried that Blob is going to rat them out, and egged on by Jean, he makes plans to capture the Blob and bring him back to the school for a good ol' fashion violation of his rights... I mean, a mind wipe.

Yeah... about that: Not cool, Xavier... not cool.

So, having escaped and made his way back to the circus, The Blob now fears that the X-Men won't leave him be -- and he isn't wrong!! Figuring he has no other recourse, he reckons that he has to take the battle to them first. At this point in the story, honestly, he is the victim. The X-Men seems like some kooky cult that forces others to join them or have your mind messed with.

Is he wrong when we just saw the X-Men say they couldn't let him go? Who are the heroes again??

Now, here's where the story turns in a way... Up to this point, as already noted, yeah, The Blob's a jerk, and a bit skeevy, but we readers haven't been given any real reason to believe he is a threat to society. In fact, he already knew that he has these strange powers, and still chose to make an honest living as a performer. But, in order to give some justification story-wise for the X-Men's behavior, suddenly the Blob decides that having learned he is a mutant means he will now use his powers for evil. 

His only motive for turning bad is learning he is a mutant and being concerned that the X-Men will hound him, a fact which he is actually correct in assuming! If he had just discovered his abilities as a result of Xavier's test, I could accept that maybe he had a hidden desire to rule over others and this revelation could now facilitate that previously secret desire. However, he already knew he had powers, he just got an explanation for why he has them. Why is suddenly learning he's a mutant enough to make him turn evil?

"Yeah, I know I had these powers already and could have taken charge before, but ya see... I know I'm a mutant now!"

Frankly, this turn seems to have been done just to make Xavier and the X-Men less creeps in their actions. You see, that Blob guy was a bag egg all along, so they were right to coerce, threaten, and attempt to wipe his mind against his will! If The Blob wanted to take over the circus, he knew he had the power already to do that.

But it's not just The Blob! Now the whole circus is evil, or at the least very bad folk.Yes, The Blob confronted his boss and took charge of the circus, but the entire troupe never is really shown putting up any real resistance and seem to go along pretty willingly with the attack on Xavier's school.

The Blob and his circus pals storm the school!

So, things end after a battle when Xavier using an intensifier ray to amplify his mental abilities to mind wipe the entire group of circus performers along with The Blob. Yep, those innocent performers who were seemingly forced by Blob to attack the X-Men are included in the mind wiping. And Xavier commands that they all return to a state of mind that they were in before the X-Men came across them. Who's fault is all this mess, again??

"You're just dupes of The Blob? So what? You still know too much! Mind wipes for EVERYONE!"

In the end of the story, The Blob is indeed back where we first met him, working at the circus with no apparent desire for world domination, earning his living as a performer. "It's better than starvin'," he thinks, with no indication that he had any thoughts of using his powers for ill pursuits. What is it about learning he was a mutant that made him veer off into villainy?

Yep, revisiting this comic book story decades later, with a modern sensibility and an older outlook has me scratching my head at some aspects of the stories, but don't get me wrong; I still love these stories! They are pure, unbridled fun! I am excited to be going through them again after all this time. 

Part of the enjoyment is approaching the stories with a new perspective from what I had in my youth. And I realize that with early X-Men issues, as with pretty much all early Marvel stories, Stan Lee, Jack Kirby, and Steve Ditko, and the rest of the Bullpen, were still developing and setting up the foundations for the Marvel Universe. As they went along, the stories became more complex, and fleshed out. The earliest stuff has a more "by the seat of their pants" approach which made for a wonky, but wild ride.

While the portrayal of the X-Men in this tale make their actions somewhat dubious, thankfully they relaxed the "join us or be assimilated" attitude from this issue. It's hard to root for them when they're acting like a-holes, after all.

BONUS FUNNY PIC!

Sometimes Jack Kirby was so into his work that some little details would often escape his notice. In this instance, it seems to have also escaped the notice of both the inker, and Stan Lee, as the editor. In the panel below, The Blob has apparently lost his wig! LOL!

#X-Men #Marvel #Marvelcomics #uncannyx-men #childrenoftheatom #review